Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize