WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
