Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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