Having a random hookup so left but love u
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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