i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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