Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
