i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
this will be a night to untag.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They took my balls.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
