So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
