Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
