I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
