i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
