apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
