that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
