is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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