i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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