what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
