I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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