the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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