I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
