Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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