oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
