I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
