Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
