My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize