remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize