I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
did i just pee glitter
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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