booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
