I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
