At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize