I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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