we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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