I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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