you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize