NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
