She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
