She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize