the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
