My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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