Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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