its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
