chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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