Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
