I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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