Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
