phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
