I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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