i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh god it's open bar.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
