dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
