i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you never un-have a 4some
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
