Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
