i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am naked and annoyed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
