this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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