Swine flu. Run for my life!
from now on my penis is your penis
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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