I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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