Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
