Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
