i may or may not be watching the land before time
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
