it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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