in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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