I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
