Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
