my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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