Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
