what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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