How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we're making bets on your personal life
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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