I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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