Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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