my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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