I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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