i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
