I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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