Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
