Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
