Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize