After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My penis needs a shock collar
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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