So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
