is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
