yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
