Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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