I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
