i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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