Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
