Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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