I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
