i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize