So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
