i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He shit in the fireplace
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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