I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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