this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
whose parrot is this?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
