No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
