That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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